The feeling of falling in love is like nothing else. Being in love with someone is exciting, intoxicating, uplifting, and heartwarming.
And the next best thing to experiencing true love is declaring those feelings out loud to the man you’ve fallen for, right?
Well, not always …
If you say I love you too soon, especially if it’s sooner than he’s willing to say those three words in return, his silence can feel insufferable.
In a flash, that easy, comfortable feeling you had in your relationship goes running out the door, while vulnerability, discomfort, and anxiety come rushing inside.
His lack of verbal reciprocation may even cause you to reconsider the value of your relationship altogether.
In truth, a man clearly shows his level of commitment to you when he dates you exclusively, shares himself with you intimately, and does things like consulting with you while planning his schedule.
And yet, there’s a tendency to judge the validity of a relationship, as well as a man’s intention, by his willingness, or lack thereof, to say those three words.
The problem is that doing so can unnecessarily sabotage an otherwise promising new romance, which is why it’s valuable to first understand what may be going on for him on a deeper level.
Here are 3 possible reasons your boyfriend won’t say “I love you” that you may not have considered before:
1. He associates saying “I love you” with expectations he isn’t ready to fulfill
Expectations are one of the most deadly threats to relationships because they replace open communication with unspoken presumptions.
Many men associate saying I love you with the onset of new expectations they know they aren’t ready to fulfill.
Others are simply afraid of what those expectations might be, thus they choose to keep everything moving along pressure-free.
Does that mean your man isn’t willing to give you everything you want? No. In fact, he may already be giving you more than you imagined.
The key is to clarify where he’s at and what his intentions are. Just as some men side-step a boyfriend label while simultaneously being the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, the fear of expectation can inspire a man to express love through action rather than words.
2. He doesn’t feel like he can live up to his definition of what saying “I love you” means
Everyone associates different things with being in love. Your man may associate saying I love you with actions he’s not ready to take, or other conditions he’s not yet experienced yet.
The more honorable your man is, the more important it will be for him to feel like he can live up to his definition of what saying I love you means.
Thus, instead of prematurely pulling out of the emotional investment necessary to yield those three words, find out what professing love means to him specifically.
3. He’s genuinely not in love with you
Just as you can love someone without being in love, fabulous times, passionate kisses and intimate lovemaking don’t necessarily equal being in love.
It’s easy to assume that the man who bears his soul to you on a regular basis without wanting anyone else must be in love with you. But as crazy as it sounds, it’s possible for a man to share virtually every aspect of his life with you without being in love with you.
As much as he cares about you, it is possible he’s just not in love with you.
So what should you do if your man won’t say I love you?
First, remember that all men and women experience and define love in all different ways. It’s critical for you to refrain from making assumptions when he refrains from saying I love you.
Second, make it a point to learn what your man associates with saying I love you, along with what he believes will be expected of him. Then you’ll have a better understanding of what saying those words mean to him.
Third, check-in with yourself and be sure that you aren’t placing greater emphasis on words than what you’re actually experiencing in your relationship.
While it’s easy to harp on why he won’t say I love you, it’s equally important to understand why you’re placing so much value on him doing so.