One minute you seem to be having a great time, your attraction is off-the-wall, you can’t keep your hands off each other, and you end up in bed together.
The next, you’re trying to figure out what the hell happened because they’ve stopped returning your calls or replying to your messages.
Your heart hurts, your ego is bruised. You feel rejected and disrespected and you’re questioning why they’d disappear on you like that.
While it’s never okay, here are some of the reasons why people ghost after sex.
- You were moving too faster than they were comfortable with
If you get way too invested or clingy, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can scare people away. Maybe you began talking about falling in love and making future plans right after sex. Or maybe you called them too many times or sent a dozen intense texts after the hookup. If you’re doing too much right away, it can push people away before they have a chance to get comfortable around you.
- Sex was all they came for
Yes, it’s stupid and immature to pretend you want more from a person when all you really want is sex, but people keep doing it. Instead of being honest about their intentions, they just use you and discard you once their needs have been met. They never really cared about you. They were probably saying things you wanted to hear just to fool you into sleeping with them. Now that they’ve gotten that, they see no point in pretending anymore, so they ghost.
- You both want different things
Another reason people ghost after sex is that they’re not interested in getting into a relationship. If they already told you that ahead of time but you thought you could change their mind, that’s on you. But if they didn’t make their intentions clear, ghosting is just a continuation of their terrible behaviour. They don’t want anything serious and they’re using silence and absence to communicate that.
Many people won’t have the courage to tell a lover that sex with them was bad. And most don’t have the patience to teach you the moves that work for them in the bedroom. It may not even be that you’re bad in bed. It could just be that you need your sexual chemistry needs some work. Or that you need to learn each other’s bodies. But to them, ghosting is just easier than going through all that.
- They’re seeing someone else
Maybe there was already someone else in the picture when you came along and things got serious after you had sex. Or maybe they sensed that you wanted more, but they were still holding out for the person that they like more. Or it could be that they met someone else after they hooked up with you and it just clicked with them. They couldn’t bring themselves to break up with you, so they quietly ghosted.